5.8 A New Chapter, but the Kids are Insane

Hey guys! Welcome back to a new chapter!

What a dreary first day of school.

Elise: Luckily I packed my wet suit!

Elise: *Flippers splash in rain puddles*

You can’t beat that logic.

There are some weird looking kids in Bridgeport. Seems in this town plastic surgery is passed down genetically. That, or toddlers go under the knife. Neither would surprise me.

There are some cute ones hidden around here.

Oh no, one of Wogan’s kids before I could fix his face. Bless this ones heart. Where are your eyebrows?

Since her adult birthday, Willow has finally decided to turn her life around. She spent 30 mins on the elliptical before heading somewhere more fun.

Stylist: Wow girl, did you just buy a new mustang or what?

Willow: *sobs* I look like I’m at the middle of my life.

Stylist: I know what would make you feel better. A new haircut! Maybe some bangs-

NO.

Willow: OMG I LOVE IT! Now I can show off my surpurb fashion sense to all of my instagram followers when I go to the gym.

Because that’s all you do at the gym.

Stylist: Okay, you owe me 500$. Also, I’m not actually a stylist here.

Elise: School sucks, then you come home to eat leftover birthday cake for dinner.

Welcome to the real world. But cheer up, I have a surprise for you!

That’s right! No more sleeping in deceased grandma’s bed! You have your own room!

If it gives you a headache, my mission is complete.

Elise: Hey, great-grandpa! Will you come listen to my Queenly speech?

Niall: No thanks kid. This rocking chair is calling my name.

Elise: Urgh, ridiculous. Where is a Queen supposed to find her peasants?

Elise: Yay, more birthday cake to fill the fridge.

Willow: Now that sounded like sarcasm. Would you rather eat birthday cake or dirt?

What kind of question is that?

I think Willow was trying to suffocate Rhyan so she would only have 3 toddlers to deal with and not 4.

It didn’t work. Rhyan is so cute! I can’t tell if she has a good mixture of her parents, or mostly Harry. She does have her grandma’s hair color though.

Either way, she’s adorable.

Elise: Happy birthday little sister! Time to chow down.

Harry: Aren’t you forgetting something?

Willow: Hello, earth to Elise. You have another sister here.

Elise: Is this some sort of sick joke?

Hello Remy! She is definitely a copy of her mom. She looks even more like Willow than Elise does. Maybe that’s because of the totally black hair.

Why do you all have to be so cute?

I DON’T have a favorite.

Alaric: This game is hard.

Well there’s only one hole. Doesn’t seem to difficult to me. Just a little confusing.

Alaric: It goes here!

No-

Wait, what the hell?

Alaric: My sacrifice has been accepted! Praise Grim!

HEY! Don’t perpetuate that rumor.

Elise: We are going to be friends forever, and no one will EVER stop us.

Elise: Isn’t that right buddy?

As soon as she leaves that thing unattended he’s going… well, you get the picture.

Rhyan: Can I keep Mr. Yeti?

Show no fear. They smell fear.

Willow and Remy: *Creepy clone stare*

Our little firstborn isn’t just an insane person! She’s also an artist!

Elise: As you can see, I am drawing a lifelike portrait of a hog caucus hanging from a tree.

At least she’s inventive.

Willow: If you don’t hurry up, the bugs are going to come out and bite your butt.

Who are you talking to?

Rhyan: Not my butt!

Jesus Willow, great parenting.

I try not to play favorites, but I always cater towards the first born. Things are no different this generation. I mean, come on. The sweet little thing dreams about her DAD.

Alannis: Did you hear that, Remy? We have to kick up our cuteness level. We are being out shined by thought bubbles.

Willow: So then I was like, “Your mother will die in three days” and he ate it up! Can you believe that!

Elise: Absolutely mother. You are a great psychic.

Willow: And just for that, here’s a present!

Elise: Oh boy, is it a dissect-able pig fetus?

Willow: Nope, but I will remember that for Christmas.

At least someone buys into Willow’s bullshit.

Willow: Mommy loves you!

Alaric: Tehe

Elise: Don’t even think about buying HIM a pig fetus for Christmas, mommy.

Hey! It’s finally stay-at-home dad’s turn to bring a kid to the cake!

Alaric: I hope my sacrifice will bring me good fortune.

Alaric rolled Sailor as his third trait! Is that fortunate?

Alaric: I was hoping for Kleptomaniac.

Of course you were.

Elise: HEAR HEAR PEASANTS!

Willow: *Sighs*

Willow: If you don’t get off that chair now, I’m going to take your crown and burn it in the fire pit.

Elise: *GASP* TREASON

Elise: This house if full of blood traitors.

Alannis is definitely not a blood traitor.

She rolled Photographer’s Eye as her third trait! I obviously do not have this trait, since I took this terrible picture of her.

Alannis: *Depress, forlorn look (obviously artistic)*

Elise: Alaric come play with us!

Alannis: He can’t he has to practice his reading, he’s really behind-

Alaric: SHUT UP!

Here’s the twins new bedroom!

Alannis: You’re it!

Elise: I’m always it!

Alannis: You’re always slow.

After a long day of reading and recking siblings at tag, the twins decide to take a breather in the extra cool bedroom.

Willow: I hate work can I just have another kid instead?

LOL, no.

Willow: You can’t just tell me no. It’s like you don’t know who you’re messing with.

*5 Minutes Later*

Willow: STOP SCREAMING AND FREAKING WALK ALREADY!

Yes, what you really need is another kid.

I think another child will kill you. Like your body is just going to give out and all that will be left is your shitty scam business.

Willow: You’re the worst god ever.

Willow: Okay grandma, can you please leave now? Alaric, what the hell are you doing awake?

Alaric: Well for one, you didn’t feed me dinner before bed.

Alaric: And also I’m on a mission.

Alaric: A mission of evil.

Willow: You better march your evil ass out of my room. Now.

Alaric: Soon all of the ghostly family members laying below this lot will be under my control! MINE!

This family is too much.

Elise: Is someone going to come listen to queenly speech or not??

It seems you have your answer.

Alannis: What? Sorry, busy making mad plays right now.

And meanwhile… Whose bed are you in??

Alaric: The bed of evil itself. I’m really moving up the evil ladder already!

Oh not this family again.

Alaric: She’s not exactly what I expected out of a vampire princess.

Sadly, Kristina was born before I remodeled her parents’ faces.

Alaric: So, what’s the bed all about? I thought vampires slept in coffins?

Kristina: Oh that? It’s for looks. And for the slave humans we keep for blood.

Alaric: AWESOME! *chokes* Wha-what happened to your clothes?

Kristina: Good question.

Well guys… I know Alaric is a little young to be choosing a mate already but… well you know. Don’t judge me.

I’m going to be totally honest with you Alaric, in this picture you look nothing like a child who rolls wishes to see his dead grandmother and meet vampires which you have never met in their high rise apartment.

Alaric: That’s part of my plan. Catch them off guard.

And with our child of around 8 getting home at 1 AM after spending the evening finessing a much older, much more terrifying woman, we finish this chapter.

Alaric: It only took you two months.

HEY CHILL! I’m sorry for the hiatus guys. The new year was, uh, CRAZY to say the least. I hope you’ve all had a spectacular first of the year so far!